the rollercoaster called life!

Now that I am jacked up on caffeine (cup #5) and the adrenaline I feel after completing my first 5 mile run I think I have finally come out of my depressing slump. It has been a bumpy road for about 2 weeks, where I found myself weeping uncontrollably one minute and deliriously happy the next minute. i have felt so out of whack, that I contemplated getting myself locked up and pumped full of chemicals to just get through the day. Wait I did do that, only it was our house and the chemical was vodka:) Don't worry I limited myself to 2 drinks in the evening, just enough to dull the pain.
I think it finally hit me, what we went through in the past year, and having had a lot of good times since moving back to the East coast, it triggered all these emotions in me and the floodgates just opened up. It was as if all this heavy crap was buried deep and just erupted like a volcano. Not even sure what I was thinking or feeling, but whatever it was, it needed to come out and get released. So much has happened in the past 12 months, and I just kind of shut down and kept moving forward without realizing or even respecting what I went through. I think sometimes I feel I need to be the strong one, make everything seem fine, protect the people I love around me, with no regard of what I am feeling. It must be that male macho thing:)
The road to get here was no easy task, and I guess the road ahead is no easy one either, but at least it's never boring....... and as Virginia Woolf said"peace cannot be found by avoiding life." I absolutely love that!

Karen thank you for listening to me last week and your thoughts, they really helped.
David, I love you, I know I don't say it enough, but you are so patient with me and know me better than I know myself. I would be truly lost without you!